A month before my mother took her own life she said to me, “Elizabeth, I don’t have any trouble with a patriarchal society. I like a male-dominated world.” My mother’s suicide occurred when I was in seminary studying to become an Episcopal priest. I then began the long journey of working through my own personal pain and grief, as well as the pastoral implications of my mother’s death.

On that fateful morning in 1991, two books lay on my mother’s bedside table – the Bible and Women and Self-Esteem. What had gone wrong? Why is it that throughout the history of both Christianity and Judaism, scripture has been used against women, telling them they are second rate, denigrating their very personhood? Could this possibly be God’s will? Standing at the foot of my mother’s bed that day I knew it could not be so, and I knew that I was meant to tell a different story.

As I began to work through my grief, the image of the two books would not leave me. Could the teachings of scripture about women ever be reconciled with a book on women and self-esteem? Since the institutional church and synagogue have traditionally taught that woman was created second and sinned first, I wondered. Then I prayed for God to show me the way.

I began to study the feminine in scripture, and parts of the Biblical tradition I barely knew existed suddenly came to life before me. I found that there were Biblical women filled with a positive sense of self who exhibited great courage and leadership such as Deborah, Huldah, and Anna who were prophets; Shiphrah and Puah, Hebrew midwives who risked their lives to save Hebrew male infants; Esther who saved all the Jews in her kingdom; and Priscilla and Aquilla, who traveled with Paul and spread the gospel.1 Why were these women so often ignored?

There was passage after passage in which Jesus upheld the very personhood of women. Not only did he consistently affirm women, but his first resurrection appearance was to a woman, Mary Magdalene. In addition, there were powerful feminine images of God. Throughout scripture, God is imaged not only as a father, but also as a woman in labor giving birth to creation, as a comforting mother, and as a woman searching for a lost coin, to name a few.2 Yes, women too are created in the image of God, and so was my mother. Unfortunately, she never realized it.

In Women at the Well, Kathleen Fischer writes of the “significance religious imagery has for a woman’s sense of authority of the self. Images of God and self are very closely connected, and a change in one brings about a change in the other. This is borne out by testimony from contemporary women who state that a new awareness of their own authority followed upon changes in their image of God. Rather than being an external force, God became the source of a new inner power.”3

As women today struggle for new sources of inner power many turn to self-help books, new age religions, or passing fads. Yet from my perspective what we need has always been with us, right there in both Hebrew and Christian scripture. However, the good news for women in scripture has been twisted beyond recognition, taken out of context, or simply never mentioned at all. This misuse of Holy Scripture is nothing short of sin. And it is a sin we cannot afford to ignore.

We live in a world in which adolescent girls are increasingly prey to depression, eating disorders, addictions, and suicide attempts4; three times more women than men report depression5; women are three times more likely to attempt suicide6; and more than one-third of female homicide victims are killed by their husbands or boyfriends.7

The image that women have of themselves and that men have of women is shaped by the world in which we live, a world in which many ‘isms’ still predominate, one of which is sexism. God did not create a world in which one sex was meant to be dominant. Rather, God created a world in which women and men are meant to be equal.

As Jews and Christians read the Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament, let us look for those women who have always been there, women who can be a beacon of light to us all; women whose lives can change our own if only we will let them.

Listen to them. Learn from them. Love them. Love yourself.

1NRSV translation of the Bible – Deborah, Judges 4:4-5; Huldah, 2 Kings 22:14; Anna, Luke 2:36-38; Shiphrah and Puah, Exodus 1:15-17; Esther 4:15-16; Priscilla and Aquilla, Romans 16:3-5.
2NRSV – John 20:11, 17-18; Isaiah 42:5, 14; Isaiah 66:12-14; Luke 15:8-9.
3Kathleen Fischer, Women at the Well (New York: Paulist Press, 1988), 60.
4Mary Pipher, Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls (New York: Ballantine Books, 1994), 27.
5Christie Cozad Neuger, “Women’s Depression: Lives at Risk”, Women in Travail & Transition: A New Pastoral Care (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1991), 147.
6Adina Wrobleski, Suicide: Why? (Minneapolis: AFTERWORDS, 1989), 21.
7Federal Bureau of Investigation, Crime in the United States: Uniform Crime Reports, Washington, D.C.: Government Printing Office.

Elizabeth Geitz is the author of 6 books, including Soul Satisfaction: Reclaiming the Divine Feminine, a daily meditation EBook for women on Kindle.

Have you ever shared a painful experience with a friend and been told, “Don’t worry; everything’s going to be alright, that’s just your cross to bear. God will never send you more than you can carry.” “Mmm,” I would think, “if I were weaker would this not be happening to me?” Or I would wonder if I should pray, “I’ve got strong shoulders God, just keep piling on those crosses. I can carry them all.”

Somewhere in the back of my mind, at one time in my life I thought the more crosses I was carrying, the better Christian I was. Not only could I suffer and carry my own cross, but give me half a chance, and I would gladly carry yours as well. I have put out more fires for more people in the name of God than I can count. I should have had a card printed that said “Professional Cross Carrier – No Load Too Heavy”.

For some of us, taking up our cross and following Jesus became distorted and we forgot that what Jesus said is for us to take up our own cross. Not someone else’s, just ours and ours alone. He also said to take up the cross, not crosses. One cross. So it’s ours and there’s only one.

If there is only one cross we are meant to take up, how do we know what that one cross is? I’ve had parishioners tell me, sometimes jokingly, that they’ve decided their spouse is their cross to bear, or their teenage child, or a co-worker. Others have felt it was a debilitating illness, the loss of a loved one, recurrent financial problems, or an unrecovered addict in the family. How do we decide what the one cross is we Christians are meant to carry?

I would submit to you that the answer is ‘none of the above.’ And why? Because they’re all focused on ‘the self’ and that which brings us pain as individuals. Such a focus offers a privatized view of religion based on our own personal suffering.

While it is critical to focus on our own needs and take care of ourselves emotionally, physically, and spiritually, that is not what Jesus is saying here. Rather, he tells us to deny the self. Say ‘no’ to the self. Say ‘no’ to self-will, self-absorption, self-aggrandizement, and say ‘yes’ to God.

What did it mean to the crowd gathered around Jesus when he told them to take up their cross and follow him? It could only have meant one thing, for the cross had only one connotation in the Roman Empire – dissidents were executed upon it.

Historian Martin Hengel writes, “Crucifixion was inflicted above all on the lower classes – slaves, criminals, and other unruly elements. These were primarily people who had no rights . . . whose development had to be suppressed to safeguard law and order.” (Chad Myers, Binding the Strong Man, p. 245)

To the crowd gathered around Jesus, taking up their cross meant being willing to share the consequences facing those who dared to challenge the unjust structures of the Roman Empire. ‘Taking up their cross’ did not refer to dealing with their emotional cross, however difficult and painful it might have been. It meant dealing with the unjust structures of their time.

Today is the start of Holy Week in the Christian church, which begins with Palm Sunday and ends on Holy Saturday, which immediately precedes Easter. As Christians throughout the world begin this most holy of weeks, let us remember, that the one cross we are meant to carry, is the cross of justice.

Jesus died not because he came to comfort the world, but because he came to challenge it. We, too, are meant to challenge injustice wherever we see it, to not be content with a privatized view of religion that circumvents the message at the very heart of the gospel and the Hebrew Scriptures – “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

This means loving all neighbors regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity. This means working for justice for the poor in our own country and in developing nations. This means working for the sick, the friendless and the needy. This means loving all neighbors as beloved children of God and being willing to take risks to do so, regardless of what the cost might be to us personally.

Yes, we all have our cross to bear; and yes, the load can be heavy at times but we are, all of us, meant to transcend our own pain and work together for the greater good. It is only when we begin to carry the weight of the one true cross, that the weight of our individual cross miraculously becomes lighter. It is only when we transcend the self, that the self is truly free.

St. George’s College Pilgrimage to the Holy Land on the Via Dolorosa,  2010                                     an unforgettable experience 

I can only speak for myself, but right now at this very moment I am being held hostage. I am being held hostage by the NRA. At gunpoint. Right now.

I cannot walk into any shopping mall, movie theater, university or even kindergarten classroom without knowing somewhere buried in the deep recesses of my mind that I could be gunned down at a moment’s notice. Knowing that my loved ones could be gunned down as they unsuspectingly shop, watch a movie, study or teach in school.

In this great land we are all privileged to call home, why do we continue to allow one powerful lobby to win time and again, thus allowing semi-automatic weapons and automatic weapons to be sold legally in the United States? And for what?

The second amendment right to bear arms? There were no such weapons when that amendment was written and everyone with a fifth grade education knows that, unless they were gunned down in their classroom before they could make it to fifth grade.

Because semi-automatic weapons are needed for game hunting? Like many here in Pike County, I grew up in a family of hunters. My dad and two brothers loved the camaraderie of duck hunting every fall, as did my husband and his father with deer and duck and pheasant. They were and are special parent/child times.

But let’s get serious here. I used to hunt deer myself, no longer, but I have done so. The only deer I ever pulled a trigger to shoot was shot with one bullet from a distance of 150 yards. And you know what guys? If you can’t shoot that well you should turn your gun back in and go home. There is no need for a semi-automatic weapon to be a sporting gun enthusiast. And an automatic weapon? Absolutely no reason at all other than to kill numbers of innocent people in a short period of time.

As a sporting clay enthusiast today, I do not need to go into a gun show and buy a gun without a background check. And I do not need to be on a clays course with anyone who has been able to do that. Such lax laws are as detrimental to serious hunters or clay shooters as they are to the general population.

And yes, mental health issues need to be addressed. Each and every gunman in a school massacre has had serious mental health problems. Background checks that work need to be implemented. But it is not either/or. It is both/and. Both stricter gun regulation (not control, regulation) and more stringent background checks must be implemented. But one at the expense of the other is not viable.

And where is God in this debate? God is with the children who died in Newtown. God is with the parents and loved ones of all victims of gun violence. God is with the Million Moms who march to effect a change that seems too long in coming. God is with those mentally ill who need laws to protect them from themselves and from others.

I am being held hostage by the NRA. Are you?

This article appeared in the Pike County Dispatch as my monthly “Spirituality Matters” column on February, 6, 2013 (statistics updated today).

This week we begin a new year with a clean slate just waiting for us to make our mark upon it. What will that mark be? What will you focus on in the year ahead? Just for a moment, consider focusing on whatever relationship in your life is primary right now – whether spouse, partner, friend, parent, child, sibling, co-worker – anyone.

How might we bring that relationship to a deeper level of lasting significance in the year ahead? In her book Holy Relationships, Christine Adams stresses that each partner brings to such relationships a kind of self-awareness and completeness that can only come after some very hard work. Each person involved has faced their own personal ordeal and found their way to a more peaceful place. They’ve done their “soul work” and, through the love of their Divine Creator have found a love of Self. As a result there is no gnawing need for a loving connection, because the love of God acknowledged and accepted in their life completes them. Now they can extend that complete self to another person, equally as whole.

In an unholy relationship – whether it’s married or partnered, sibling, or friendship – there is a sense of being incomplete with a need to draw from the other. There is an attachment that represents an attempt to reach spiritual unity by merging with another. Both people see themselves as fragmented and in need of completeness. When we feel incomplete, we look outside ourselves for security.

For a relationship to have a higher spiritual purpose, both parties must be “reaching for the spiritual.” They may not be in the same place, but spiritual growth is the priority.

Christine goes on to tell readers a bit of her story. “I did not get to this place without having experienced some very unholy relating. For example, I had to know and walk away from the darkness of addiction, of infidelity, and of violence to know the light of spirituality, of loyalty, and of peace and love. It was a difficult journey and I was often distraught and confused, but I kept growing spiritually, always developing my relationship with God.”

Holy people or holy partners do not come together to complete themselves or to rob the other of something. They come together to let the Divine work through them. To many of us, this is a radical idea. Certainly in our needs-oriented society this is a radical idea. Yet, through this process can come a deeper fulfillment than can ever be achieved through a “needs based” relationship. In this way, when exterior needs arise, as they always do in any relationship – such as illness, economic hardship, or unexpected setbacks – then there is a solid foundation to weather the storm.

How can we begin working toward having a holy relationship in our life this year? Adams suggests we remember that:

1. God’s will for each one of us is joy. No one can find joy while blaming someone else for their misery. We need to embrace our own joy and stay connected to God. Acceptance is the key to peace. Accepting someone else “where they are” is essential. They may not be where we are or where we want them to be, but it is where they are on their journey. Accepting and loving someone as they are is an important first step.

2. Teach only love. Love and fear cannot live in the same place. Many of our demands on others are made out of fear.

3. Love without conditions. Really loving someone for who they are is essential. This does not mean accepting unacceptable behavior because someone says, “This is who I am,” (by unacceptable I am referring specifically to any kind of abuse). What we are asked to do is to love one another as God loves us, even when that may be the last thing we want to do.

4. Forgiveness is essential. Adams suggests gaining a “forgiving perspective.” It is not a simple switch in attitude; rather it is a profound spiritual experience occurring within the depth of our being. True forgiveness can only happen when there’s been a transformation within. Forgiveness does not imply that you will submit to further wrongs. What it does mean is that you see the light of God within the soul of your partner, or child, or friend once again.

Working toward health and wholeness in our primary relationship can yield much fruit, not just for the two people involved, but for all those who love and care for them. It’s never too late to make resolutions. Remember, you’re worth it!

I cannot walk into any shopping mall, movie theater, university or even kindergarten classroom without knowing somewhere buried in the deep recesses of my mind that I could be gunned down at a moment’s notice. Knowing that my loved ones could be gunned down as they unsuspectingly shop, watch a movie, study or teach in school.

What is wrong with us? What is wrong with our country that we allow one powerful lobby to win time and again to allow semi-automatic weapons and automatic weapons to be sold legally in the United States? And for what?

Second amendment rights to bear arms? There were no such weapons when that amendment was written and everyone with a fifth grade education knows that unless they were gunned down in their classroom before they could make it to fifth grade.

Because semi-automatic weapons are needed for game hunting? Like most Southerners, I grew up in a family of hunters. My dad and two brothers loved the camaraderie of duck hunting every fall, as did my husband and his father with deer and duck and pheasant. They were and are special parent/child times.

But let’s get serious here. I used to hunt deer myself, no longer, but I have done so. The only deer I ever pulled a trigger to shoot was shot with one bullet from a distance of 150 yards. And you know what guys? If you can’t shoot that well you should turn your gun back in and go home. There is simply no need for a semi-automatic weapon to be a sporting gun enthusiast. And an automatic weapon? Absolutely no reason at all other than to kill numbers of innocent people in a short period of time.

As a sporting clay enthusiast today, I do not need to go into a gun show and buy a gun without a background check.And I do not need to be on a clays course with anyone who has been able to do that. Such lax laws are as detrimental to serious hunters or clay shooters as they are to the general population.

I am being held hostage by the NRA. And so are you.

If not, then why and for what were we created? What are people for anyway? According to Judeo-Christian history, people are for relationship with God and with one another. We exist for co-existence. The purpose of our being is to “be with.” In both Hebrew Scriptures and the Christian Bible to “be”, is to “be with” first God and then others.

In The Story of Evangelism, Robert Tuttle describes God as the first evangelist, God as the Forever Pursuer, God as the One who never stops pursuing you and me no matter what because God yearns for relationship with us. Throughout scripture, regardless of what people do, God never stops loving them and wanting desperately to be in relationship with them.

The psalmist tells us, “O LORD, you have searched me out and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; you discern my thoughts from afar…you press upon me behind and before and lay your hand upon me…Where can I go then from your Spirit? where can I flee from your presence?” Nowhere, the psalmist tells us. Nowhere. (Psalm 139:1, 4, 6)

First and foremost we are meant to be in relationship with our Creator, the Forever Pursuer, who loves us with a love that knows no bounds, who searches us and knows us, and from whom we cannot flee regardless of how fervently we sometimes try.
I’ll always remember the first silent retreat I attended. We had traveled to a convent for the weekend where participants were told that as soon as Friday night dinner was over we could no longer talk until after breakfast on Sunday. My face obviously reflected the fear I felt inside because my priest turned to me and said, “Yep, Elizabeth, it’s just you and God,” whereupon everyone laughed. So, I now share this wisdom with you, “It’s just you and God.” Bask in that for a moment; reflect on the sheer simplicity and beauty of it.

During this holy holiday season when many faith traditions celebrate the Divine in their midst, invite God into your life – not just in quiet moments or times of trouble, but in moments of joy and celebration. What do you enjoy doing most? Invite God into that experience with you. Spend some time with your Creator, whenever and wherever that works for you.

You may just find that the hustle and bustle of the season affects you less; time spent with loved ones is more deeply meaningful; your hands reach out to the stranger more often.
Your Creator is pursuing you. Right now. Will you allow yourself to be caught?

It is a war that is being fought inside homes across America. It is a war not discussed. It is the war on Lyme disease and the insidious effect it can have on the lives of the individuals who have it and those who love them.

I live in northeastern Pennsylvania in a tick-friendly environment where deer and wild bear play. Where chipmunks are free to roam and squirrels and mice scamper about in forest and field. I live in an idyllic environment that is also rich with ticks and the parasites they carry, which too often latch onto us as we enjoy a simple walk in the woods. And it’s not just here, but across the northeast and throughout much of our country in rural and suburban areas.

Scratch the surface of many a family in the United States and you will find a member who does or has suffered from the debilitating effects of Lyme disease – the chronic fatigue, weight loss, arthritis, joint pain, headaches, and ‘brain fog’ that characterize it. People are blessed when they find the tell-tale bull’s eye rash of Lyme, but most sufferers aren’t so lucky. And they are left to wonder, wonder, wonder…..what is the matter with them. What has happened to their energy, their joy for life, their ability to focus on the very life they have worked so hard to create.

There are three stages of Lyme disease – primary, which is often cleared up with antibiotics with little difficulty; secondary, which is a bit more problematic; and tertiary or chronic Lyme disease. Those who have no idea they have Lyme can suddenly find themselves with chronic Lyme disease, which is embroiled in as much controversy as AIDS was in its early years. There is no agreement in the medical community that chronic Lyme even exists; insurance companies will not pay for treatment; and the disease continues to progress as spirochetes, or screw-shaped bacteria, bore into organ after organ of the body.

What most people do not know is that chronic Lyme disease can mimic other serious illnesses – like multiple sclerosis, chronic fatigue syndrome and psychiatric illness, to name a few. Dr. Albert Waldman, a psychiatrist in Milford, Pennsylvania states, “Chronic or tertiary Lyme disease can mimic every psychiatric illness there is from anxiety attacks to depression to agoraphobia (fear of leaving one’s home) to schizophrenia.” Such chronic Lyme is not only an illness that affects the joints. It can and does affect both the brain and the heart.

Unfortunately, Lyme disease tests often result in false negatives with Lyme literate medical doctors (LLMD’s) feeling that the Center for Disease Control guidelines need serious adjustment. Other doctors disagree. The debate rages within the medical establishment. The patient is left going from doctor to doctor, frustrated and in search of the elusive cure of a crippling disease that some say does not exist.
Which brings me to prayer. Daily. Here, there, and everywhere. And of course to doctors and books and herbalists and friends and more books, scratching every surface of every possibility.

In talking with friends and parishioners through the years, I have found that one source that does not let them down in the midst of such confusion and despair is prayer – intense prayer for loved ones who suffer each and every day with a disease that can be both physically and emotionally crippling. Praying with a group of people can create a kind of synergy that eludes even the most ardent devotee of private meditation and prayer, which is where one’s faith community can be especially helpful.

A community of faith knows no boundaries of denomination, space or location. A community of faith can extend across the internet, across the street, or across the ocean. On a recent day that was especially difficult for me, when my prayers for loved ones with Lyme and other serious illnesses seemed in vain, I called my spiritual sister across the ocean – Sister Jane Mankaa in Cameroon, West Africa. I shared my burden with her to which she replied vociferously, “Canon, say no more! The sisters and I will fast and pray about this on Thursday. We will do it! We are with you every day in every way. Leave this to us!”

So I did. That Friday morning I awakened in the pre-dawn hours, still half asleep, but conscious that I felt more at peace than I had in a good while. I found myself reaching, thinking, “Where did this come from? What’s this amazing feeling?” Then I remembered, “Oh right. Right. Sister Jane and the sisters. Fasting. Praying. For me and those for whom I pray. This is no accident. That’s why I feel this way.” As I awakened more fully, I felt that peace that passes all understanding. That peace that only God can give.
And I knew then that I and those for whom I prayed would make it through this journey fraught with landmines, disappointments and dead-ends. I knew in my heart that as Saint Julian of Norwich wrote in the thirteenth century, “All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”

Thank you, my dear sisters. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Please, on this day of remembrance, sadness, longing, and fear remember these heroes. The heroes who saved lives on that day – by taking people they did not know and never saw again to the safety of their homes, their families, their still grateful children and spouses. The heroes like the people on the YouTube video below  that is a MUST SEE if you haven’t seen it already. Trust me. It is worth every second of your time. (Go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDOrzF7B2Kg)

Much time has passed since September 11, 2001, but to some of us who lived through it here in the NYCity area, it seems like yesterday. There was SO MUCH TIME between my calls to my husband’s cell phone and his call back on that fateful morning. Time that stood still. Time when I didn’t know whether he was in harm’s way or not. Time that I will never forget.

Michael’s office overlooked what became known as Ground Zero, what became a big hole in the ground that gaped before his eyes each and every time he stepped into his office at the World Financial Center until the day he retired in June 2008, almost seven years later.

I will never forget the day he came home to our son Mike and I having a disagreement over some trivial matter. He said with incredulity in his voice, “You all are arguing about that and I have the dust of my dead friends on my shoes.”

That stopped us both in our tracks, as I looked at his eyes filled with the pain of that day when he himself was trapped in the city with clients who could not get out on a flight. Trapped because of his responsibility to his business partners. Trapped because of his sense of honor.

Yes, people who work on Wall Street did and do have honor. I know a lot of them. And they suffered that day. On this 11th Anniversary, let us remember those who were not as lucky as we. Let us remember all who perished that day. Let us remember and pray for the families of those whose children flew the planes into the Twin Towers and for those who did so.

I took the commute into New York City with Michael as soon as his office re-opened. I wanted to experience first-hand what he lived through day in and day out. It took twice as much time to get there as it used to and there were F-14′s flying overhead all the time, patrolling the skies for safety. We had lunch overlooking the big hole in the ground.

“You know, Mohammed Atta’s remains are down there, too,” I said. And that gave me an eerie feeling. Who was he? Who was his family? How did they feel at that moment? I did not know. I still do not know. And I wonder.

If as a Christian I believe we are all connected, then that means all. So I pray for everyone today. Those with whom I agree and those whose actions I will never understand. Those who suffered and still suffer and those who caused the untold suffering of thousands of people and changed the course of history. It is very difficult. Part of me would rather not. But I pray, nonetheless.

May the peace of God which passes all understanding be ours this day and always. Amen.

Michael at the 9/11 Memorial 10 1/2 years later.

I love to tell the story of a seven-year-old boy on his first canoe trip, sitting on the floor of the canoe between his parents as they paddled. Rather than the trip being an enjoyable adventure, as his parents had hoped, the child was scared. He huddled in the bottom of the canoe and periodically yelled out, “Watch out for the rocks! You’re going in the wrong direction! I’m scared. What are you doing? Where are all you taking me?”

His parents assured him that not only did they have things under control but they even had a map of the river to guide them, to tell them where the trouble spots lay and which direction they should go around a particularly tough bend. “Trust us,” they said soothingly to their son. “Trust us.”

But the boy’s fears were not allayed. He knew his parents were in charge and even had a map, but he couldn’t help but believe that he knew the direction better than they did. When the canoe was in smooth waters things weren’t so bad, but when the waters got rough and they hit unexpected rocks, even got hung up on the rocks and spun around, he was sure that he was, in fact, not in competent hands and that catastrophe lay just around the next bend.

“Trust us,” they said. “Trust us.” And what they really meant was, “Have faith in us. Have faith.”

How like that little boy we are. Because we’re all in our Creator’s boat, aren’t we? And the Source of All Goodness has a map, knows the right direction, but how often we question what She is doing! When the waters are smooth, it’s easy to trust, to put ourselves in someone else’s hands, but when we hit those unexpected rocks, and we all do, that whirl us around and even threaten to pull us under we find ourselves shouting, “What are you doing? Where are you taking me? This can’t be the right direction!” But God says, “Trust me. Have faith. I have a map. I know where all of this is leading. Trust me!”

Oh, how I wish that were so easy. How often I have taken control back into my own hands, only to realize the futility of doing so. For it is only in letting go that we can experience freedom. It is only in trusting in someone or something greater than ourselves that we, when we feel like that little boy, can be calmed and soothed and quieted.

And yes, when the waters are smooth, it’s easy. But the waters aren’t so smooth these days. With unemployment at an all-time high, loved ones ill, random shootings in movie theaters and on the streets, children leaving home for college into the ‘great unknown’, and an ideological divide in our country that seems impossible to overcome, we often wonder what on earth we have gotten ourselves into just trying to live in peace on this earth.

“Trust me,” our Creator is saying. “Trust me.”

Most gracious God in heaven, help us to trust when the waters are not smooth, when the rapids and rocks threaten to engulf us and our loved ones. Help us to trust when we fear spinning around and around with no discernible way out. Help us to trust that in those times you are right there spinning with us, holding us, helping us, no matter what. Help us to trust and be at peace. Amen.

Numerous questions flooded my mind, but one will not let me go. One that is often unspoken, yet is on our lips and in our hearts. Where is God in the midst of such unexplained, senseless tragedy?

Throughout Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament time and again we are told of God’s almightiness. Christians throughout the world regularly recite the Nicene Creed saying, “We believe in God, the Father Almighty.” Many people believe in their heart of hearts that God, or the Divine Creator, or Higher Power is indeed almighty. God can protect us and our loved ones from harm. God will somehow make it all come out the way we want.

When tragedy strikes whether on a global, national, or an individual basis, this illusion of God’s almightiness can die a painful death. And the questions pile up: How could God let this happen? Why has God deserted me, or us? Behind these questions is often much pain and a conception that our Creator’s almightiness means that God is an all-powerful, all-controlling puppeteer. God is reduced to superman or superwoman who can swoop down and save us before tragedy strikes.

Yet our Creator’s almightiness is far from this 21st century view. In God’s kingdom, God’s power derives from the willingness to give up power rather than harbor it. In the act of creating human beings with free will, God willingly gave up the ability to indeed be almighty.

Our Creator loved us enough to give us free will, to let us make our own choices. There is no puppeteer in the ethereal realm. When those whom God created, you and me and our neighbors near or far, use that free will to destroy, maim, kill, or wound others in any way, God weeps. Yes, God weeps. God suffers with us. Over and over again in Scripture we are told that God suffers because of us, with us, and for us.

Where is God? Weeping with those who weep, mourning with those who mourn. “Therefore I weep with the weeping of Jazer…I drench you with my tears,” the Lord tells us in the Book of Isaiah.

Where is God? In the tears of the mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, friends and lovers. Where is God? In the deep sadness that you and I feel when we are witness to such senseless suffering and tragedy.

Where was God in the movie theater that night? In the love of the boy who died protecting his girlfriend. In the emergency personnel who lovingly cared for and cried with the wounded. In the broken, dying body of each person who was shot – those who were killed and those who will never forget the screams and cries and searing pain.

The attempt to reconcile an all-loving, all-powerful God with senseless tragedy or evil in the world is not new. It’s called ‘theodicy’ which was written about and debated intensely after the Jewish Holocaust of WWII. In his book, Night, Elie Wiesel says it far better than I.

During his time in Auschwitz, he was forced to watch the hanging of two adult men and a cherub-faced, angelic looking young Jewish boy. The agony of that day has never left him, nor the questions raised and answered in that horrific moment. He writes:

Behind me, I heard the same man asking [again]: “Where is God now?” And I heard a voice within me answer him: “Where is He? Here He is—He is hanging here on this gallows…”

God was there on that day and on many others throughout our history. The all-powerful, cry. The almighty, weep.